


Bloody But Unbowed

by ValiantEpic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon - Anime, Canon - Manga, Consensual, F/M, Lemon, Loss of Virginity, Manga & Anime, Manga Spoilers, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Not Related, Oral Sex, Romance, Rough Sex, Seduction, Sex, Shower Sex, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValiantEpic/pseuds/ValiantEpic
Summary: *Manga Warning Spoiler!* Depicts events from chapter 123. In the wake of Eren's disappearance in Marley, Mikasa is left with an overwhelming amount of feelings. Levi can't pick up the pieces, but he can provide something else entirely. Something unexpected. Something they both didn't know they wanted or needed. Levi/Mikasa.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 95
Kudos: 359





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *MANGA SPOILER WARNING* If you have not read up to at least chapter 123 and you do NOT want to be spoiled, please refrain from reading this story (unless you don't care), or go read the manga and come back—would love to have you!
> 
> This was meant to be a one-shot about my favorite pairing right now but it's grown to be a greater project than that. I try to keep story and characters as canon as possible (except for the actual pairing I guess). I think Levi and Mikasa have an interesting dynamic and tension that I wanted to explore. HEADS UP: this story will contain several lemons that I like to get explicit with.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

It had been several months since Eren disappeared from the survey corps group during the international forum of affairs in Marley. A representative from one of the gathered nations argued for the support of Eldian refugees but spouted on about how the real enemy, the real devils of this world, were on the Island of Paradis. He was not alone in this way of thinking, as many people chanted in agreement, their disdain for the Eldians on Paradis bringing them together. It was in the middle of this bias uproar that Mikasa just barely managed to notice Eren walking out of the convention room. Mikasa abruptly stood to follow him out, but he was gone. Had she imagined his silhouette in the doorway?

After the forum, no one could find him and it was too dangerous to stick around looking for him. Mikasa argued it was even more dangerous to let Eren wander in enemy territory knowing he had the titan power that the Marley military wanted. When the survey corps group returned to hotel where they were staying, Armin found a note from Eren in their hotel room. All it said was: Go back home without me. I’ll be in touch.

Not long after returning back to Paradis, they received a letter from Eren saying that he was entrusting everything to Zeke. He had met with him and discussed his plan to free the Eldians on Paradis and that he would call upon the survey corps when the plan was ready to go underway. There was much discord among the Levi squad, understandably.

As everyone shouted about what the hell Eren was thinking and why he was doing this, Armin was one of the only ones trying to defend Eren’s sudden decision to side with Zeke of all people. Hange tried to rationalize Eren’s thinking, but it didn’t make sense, and then it didn’t matter. He’d made his decision, and he was gone.

“That brat.” Levi said, almost quietly to himself. “Going rogue on us, huh.”

“Is he insane,” Jean shouted. “What’s he thinking? Zeke? He trusts that murderer Zeke more than us?!”

Mikasa had heard enough. As they continued to argue, she silently slipped out of the room to retreat to her quarters in the barracks. The only one to notice her departure was the captain.

To say she felt abandoned was putting it mildly. Disappointed. Betrayed. Lonely. Was it a combination of the three? Or something else entirely? There was an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness ever since that day he disappeared. Her reflexive instinct to protect him would not subside. So much of her life had been spent watching his back and saving him time and time again, and now, she had no idea how he was doing. If he was alright. If he was alive. She had to learn to live with this anxiety of all the things that could go wrong in Marley with Eren in it. It was a sinking feeling that made her grip her scarf to her chest at sudden moments. But perhaps what had hurt her the most was how insignificant she felt.  
It made her feel almost selfish for feeling this way, but she couldn’t help it. One moment he was sitting there among them, and the next he was gone without as much as saying a single word to any of them. Not even to her. The girl who saved his life countless of times, who he knew would always have his back no matter what. Why was he leaving one of his best friends in the absolute dark about this?

She thought back to the day they all saw the ocean for the first time. She remembered his countenance and the distant look in his eyes. Physically he was there with them, the salty waves crashing against his shins, but in his eyes, he seemed to be somewhere else, somewhere far away from them. If he was hesitant to open up before, he was even more closed off after that.

And now he was gone. Mikasa stood in front of the mirror, clutching her wool scarf. He promised he would always be there to wrap her scarf around her. She shook her head quickly to stop the tears from falling and took a deep breath.

She was better than this, wasn’t she? She reminded herself that this wasn’t over. The threat of the titans within and outside the walls was virtually gone, but the Marleyans were just the next enemy up. And she had to be prepared. She had to stop worrying about Eren and her feelings and remain on task, so when the time came again, she could protect him again, along with everyone else. With that, she made her way to the common room to meet up with the Levi squad as they went to the training grounds.

Ever since the threat of titans lessened and it became clear that their new enemies will very well be other people, there were many changes and developments made in the training regimen for the scouts. They had rotating training sessions of all kinds. Some training consisted of learning how to operate the new weaponry that was being developed thanks to the anit-Marleyan volunteers’ intel. How to handle and shoot these guns, as well as defensive tactics while holding guns. Other training sessions were meant to teach them how to use knives in hand-to-hand combat and defensive tactics, which was the focus of today’s training session. And the one teaching this lesson was none other than the Levi squad captain himself.

When the Levi squad realized this, they glanced at each other with a bit of wonder. Very quickly whispers erupted around them from other squads. Levi grew up in the underground. You could even consider him a kind of leader of a small group of underground outlaws. He grew up on knife fighting. They knew little about their captain, even though having been through many missions together and seeing their comrades die gruesome deaths in front of them, it was clear they still didn’t know much about their captain’s background. He wasn’t exactly the type to divulge details about his life in general, much less his life before the scouts, especially if it wasn’t relevant.

Levi stood in front of the attentive scouts as they looked on. He didn’t have any equipment on besides his boots and straps, his knife hung to his waist by one of the straps. He reached for it, spinning it from the handle naturally in his hand, just like he’d done so many times in his youth.

He hated this. Granted, they didn’t know the extent of the enemies they were up against, so of course they had to be prepared no matter what, but was there a point to any of this? He hadn’t used one of these since his underground days. He hadn’t needed to.

“Right,” he finally said. “Defense first. You want to hold your knife up here.” Levi held it stretched out in front of him. “Think of it as a shield. Your other arm should be closer to your face like this.” He instructed specific tactical defensive movements, playing out the movements slowly against a shadow opponent, so that the cadets could observe each step carefully.  
Mikasa had no idea how adept the captain was with a knife. But it made sense. Same with the ODM gear blades, he was just as graceful with a knife. His slow movements made it look like he was almost dancing by himself, except with a deadly weapon in his hand.

“Captain!” Sasha raised her hand. “Could you demonstrate on someone, sir?”

“That’s a great idea,” Hange said, who stood off to the side, observing the training session. “Who wants to volunteer?”

“Kirstein,” Levi said.

Jean swallowed, then mumbling, “I’m pretty sure that’s not how volunteering works.”

“Hange,” Levi said, nodding toward Jean. Without missing a beat, Hange tossed Jean her combat knife.

Levi took the defensive stance that he noted before. “Try to strike one of my vital organs.” he said.

“You sure, Captain?”

Levi raised an eyebrow at Jean’s unwarranted hesitance. “That was an order.”

Jean nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat again. He wasn’t sure how to properly use one of these things, so he pretended it was like one of their titan-killing blades and with a loud grunt he charged at his captain with a stab aimed for Levi’s torso.

Levi, seeing that coming, swiftly parried Jean’s right arm with his left, his knife swiping at Jean’s forearm. Jean winced at the coldness of the blade. A sudden fear struck him that his captain had actually sliced him. As Levi wrapped his left arm around Jean’s right arm so that it was behind his back, effectively blocking Jean’s use of his knife, he sent a light knee to Jean’s torso and swiped his knife across Jean’s neck too. Then he finally let go. Jean urgently held his neck before realizing that Levi had used the dull side of his knife to demonstrate the cuts to his arm and neck. He must’ve turned the blade at the last second.

He sighed. Crazy bastard, he thought.

“The quicker you can disable your opponent’s use of his weapon,” Levi continued, ignoring Jean on the ground, “if it means life or death, always go for the kill.”

“Good job, Kirstein,” Levi said, faintly smirking at him.

Before letting the soldiers practice on their own, Levi demonstrated a few more tactics, pointing out all the vital organs that they should strike. To start, everyone was given wooden knives. Levi walked down the line of pairs of soldiers, observing their movements and only stepping in to correct them when necessary. He watched as some of the scouts were naturals, picking up the techniques quickly, while others clearly needed the practice. When he got to Mikasa and Jean, he noticed how easy it was for Mikasa to defend herself against Jean’s impulsive and terribly careless strikes against her. Of course, Jean was probably distracted by how much he still liked Mikasa. Still, even when Mikasa went on the offensive, it still seemed like she could dominate Jean with a knife in her sleep, judging by the bored expression on her face. Levi wondered why on Earth she’d pair up with Jean for this practice. But then again, it’s not like there was anyone else here who could match her natural skillful caliber in fighting. Well, no one but Levi himself that is.

“Stop hesitating,” she told Jean abruptly. “I can tell exactly where you’re going to strike because you stare and pause before you do it. Don’t be so predictable.” Jean frowned.

Oh, so she was suddenly an expert in knife combat tactics now, huh, Levi thought. But he could easily see the subtle flaws in her movements and they needed correcting.

“Ackerman,” he said, grabbing her attention.

“Captain?” Mikasa stalked over.

Levi pulled out his knife and took his stance. All he had to do was nod and Mikasa knew he wanted her to come at him. She accepted and took her stance. This won’t be as easy as it was with Jean, but she was an Ackerman too after all. The first time she ever held a weapon in her hands was the day Eren saved her from those human trafficking pieces of shit. She suddenly felt a lump in her throat at the thought of him, but quickly chose to ignore it as she stared at her cool and calm captain’s face. He was always so unreadable. So stoic, and yet, he was without a doubt the most dangerously skilled soldier here. Aside from herself of course.

Mikasa stepped off her back foot in a flash and instantly went for disarming Levi of his knife by knocking it out of his hand. A smart and sudden move. And if it was anybody else but Levi, it might have worked, but as soon as she smacked his knife out of his hand, he grabbed her wrist, twisting her arm behind her back, his other hand taking hold of her wrist as it came down on him with the wooden knife. With one arm behind her back and the other held tightly across her body by Levi’s hand, she was completely defenseless.

“Too slow, Ackerman,” Levi said, just a few inches behind her ear. “You disabled my weapon, yes, but all I have to do is twist your wrist like this”—he put pressed on his hand with a quick movement and Mikasa’s hand was forced to drop the knife—"and you’ll be weaponless too. Then it’s a fist fight or a battle to grab a knife from the floor.” As Mikasa struggled against him, he continued calmly, “If you’re going to disarm your opponent, don’t lose the upper hand by losing your weapon too.”

He released her. Picking up their weapons, he tossed her the wooden knife. That was too easy and Mikasa was smarter than that. Something told Levi that she wasn’t completely focused. Probably thinking of the brat that she cared about so much. That was no good. She wasn’t going to get better at this if she didn’t give it her best against him.

“Again,” he said. But he noticed Mikasa still had that bored look on her face, like she didn’t care. Well, that wouldn’t do. “If you want to save that piece-of-shit, rogue boyfriend of yours, you’re gonna have to do better than that.”

Her brows instantly furrowed in agitation. There we go, Levi thought, that’s more like it.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Mikasa responded, in her stance. There was a mixture of anger and sadness as she said it that it surprised her. She didn’t want Eren to be her boyfriend, right? She loved him, yes, but he would never see her that way.

“Right,” Levi said with his cool expression. Then as if reading her mind, “He’s never seen you that way has he? No wonder he had more reason to—”

Mikasa pounced on him before he could even blink. Levi barely managed to block her attack, before getting an uppercut to the jaw. In no time at all, Mikasa had Levi’s arm around his back, his attacking hand disabled. She swiped at his neck with the wooden knife just like he demonstrated earlier.

“Man down,” she said through her teeth. She let him go.

“Much better,” Levi said, his eyes still unemotional, but the corner of his mouth shifted upward just in the slightest, letting Mikasa know he was satisfied. 

She looked away, not being able to look directly into her captain’s calculating eyes, as anger still surged within her.

“Way to go, Mikasa,” Jean shouted at her.

With that, Levi knew if Mikasa wanted to improve in any of her training, it would clearly have to be with him. He was the only one who could challenge her enough to push herself. But was she up to the task?

After training, the squads had to help restock the barracks with supplies and equipment before joining each other for dinner. That was usually what their days consisted of: training early in the day, sometimes until the afternoon, and then attending to duties that required the military’s help. This included guarding and helping build the new dock at the ocean, helping construct roads, and scouting the land outside the walls for any lingering titans, and becoming more familiar with the land for mapmakers. Afterward everyone joined each other in the hall to eat dinner together. Mikasa wasn’t particularly that hungry. She had a small portion of food that she ate quickly and headed back to her room to wash up.

In the shower, Mikasa silently berated herself for letting her emotions for Eren get the better of her today. She knew the captain did it on purpose to push her to the limit. Levi wasn’t that much of an asshole for just random reasons. He knew how to push the buttons of everyone on his squad. But still, as his words replayed in her ear, remembering his hot breath down her neck—which pissed her off more because she was in such a compromised position—she couldn’t help but think if there was any truth in his words. And did anyone else think the same thing? Of course everyone knew how much she cared about Eren, but no one knew how Eren really felt about her. If he ever saw her more than just a sister, would he have ever left? She remembered how on that fated day he had asked her straight up what she was to him. Was she close to him because he saved her all those years ago or was he family, or…something else? She was caught so off guard, she could only answer with what made sense at the time. Family. But deep down, she knew it was more than that. If she had said something else would it have changed anything? And what did it matter anyways? He made his decision.

She got out the shower and dried off. With her new short hairstyle it didn’t take long for her hair to dry too. She crawled into bed, but she couldn’t fall asleep to save her life. She tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable but having no luck. She just got hot under her covers and threw them off of her with an agitated groan.

A lot of nights were like this. Sleepless. Restless. With nothing to distract her, her thoughts would consume her almost automatically as soon as her head hit the pillow. Usually she tossed and turned until sleep finally overcame her. Sometimes she read a book to help her eyes get tired so she could sleep. But tonight, for whatever reason, she decided to venture outside for a walk. In her shorts and a t-shirt, she draped an open sweater over her and headed out.

The moonlight decorated the stables, the grass, and the rest of the castle in a beautifully dim white light. It was cool and crisp. Mikasa was in the middle of making her way down the castle steps when she heard a SNAP across the grassy grounds. There was a silhouette coming toward the castle. Instinctively, her guard was up. As the short, shadowy figure approached her and came under the light, she was slightly surprised.

“Captain?”

Levi’s eyebrow lifted just a slant. “Ackerman.”

The light shined on just about half his figure, accentuating the sharp features of his jaw and nose. His stony eyes were dark. He was in an long sleeve undershirt and light sweats. He only glanced at her for a moment before going to sit a few steps in front of her.

“What are you doing up at this time?” she asked.

“Same as you,” he said simply. “Sleep eludes me.” His arms rested on his knees as he looked up at the moon.

So the captain has trouble sleeping too, Mikasa thought. She idly wondered what demons and dark thoughts plagued him at night. He was much older than her. Coming from the underground, she could only imagine what terrors he must have witnessed. They were the same in that regard. In this world, on this island, it was rare that you went your whole life without seeing some form of tragedy or disaster, probably not unless you lived in the interior. Mikasa didn’t want to ask. It didn’t seem appropriate.

She took a seat on the same step as him. Not close enough to be right beside him, but not so far away either.

“I know you didn’t mean what you said earlier,” Mikasa finally said after a moment, “even though there’s probably truth to it.” She didn’t know why she was suddenly speaking so openly with the captain. Usually they just had discussions about missions or military stuff. Sometimes it was about the motivations of our enemies. Rarely it was about Eren. Since no one knew his plan, everyone could only come up with assumptions. Even though she hated him the first time she saw him when he senselessly beat Eren at his trial, after everything their entire squad has been through together, it didn’t seem so crazy to be this honest with him. In fact, it seemed completely warranted. She didn’t notice it, but it caught Levi’s attention. “I’m just not completely sure why you said it.”

Levi didn’t stop staring up at the moon. Who knew that there was a whole other world beyond this island filled with much more people who could also see the same moon? All this time, they were out there too.

“For the entirety of our lives as soldiers, we’ve only known one enemy. Titans. That’s changed now. The nations that exist across the sea are more advanced than us. They’re military soldiers, just like us. And they’re ready to kill us. We have to be more prepared than ever.” As their time trying to figure out the truth about the titans passed, Levi realized that he had come to care for his squad members. And time and time again, the only thing that life had proven to show him was how easily the people he cares about can die. The titans are practically gone, but more threats still lie beyond them.

“You’re one of our best soldiers, Mikasa.” Mikasa nearly flinched at the use of her first name and the compliment. This was rare coming from the captain. He must be severely sleep deprived. He looked at her dead in the eyes now. “But the only way you’re going to improve is if you train with someone who’s better than you.”

It wasn’t an arrogant or cocky remark. He was being completely serious. He was offering her the opportunity to become better. With him. After spending all this time with Levi and the squad, it wasn’t entirely difficult to read between the captain’s lines.

If she wanted to continue to protect Eren and her comrades, this was what she had to do.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

Inwardly, the fighter in Mikasa wondered if her captain was really better than her as he claimed. Sure, he was older and more experienced, but there was a small part of her that acquiesced to his offer only to test out that claim for herself.

Levi stood. “Good. Since we’re both insomniacs, we can train at night. Maybe it will help one us sleep.”

Levi retreated back inside the castle, back to the captain’s quarters, very aware of the fact he still wouldn’t be able to sleep for another few hours.

When Mikasa woke up the next morning, she felt surprisingly fresh. More aware and in tune with her resolve than she had been in weeks. As she ate breakfast with her squad mates, she felt an eagerness to get to the training grounds that she hadn’t felt since her cadet days. Today’s training consisted of more practice with the new anti-personnel vertical maneuvering equipment. Combined with thunder spears and semiautomatic pistols, this new gear was perfect against not only titans but Marleyan military weaponry as well. Mikasa was a fan of the thunder spears, so she chose that as her arsenal. Training lasted several hours, zipping through the forest, scaling the trees, each soldier had to practice shooting moving targets. For Mikasa, this was cake, but she still wanted to push herself to make sure she came out on top among her comrades. Atop one of the trees, her captain quietly observed her and her comrades.

Zipping through the tree trunks and branches, Mikasa moved swiftly through them. Her goal to shoot a target and zip away without hesitating and without losing speed. She bounded around one of the trees, took aim and shot, zipping away as soon as she pulled the trigger. The moving target exploded at once, the BOOM resounding throughout the forest.

“Nice one, Mikasa!” Connie yelled as Mikasa struck down one of the faster moving targets.

She glanced up at him, smiling. Not far above Connie, Mikasa noticed the captain had been watching her. He didn’t react to her. After a moment, he zipped through the trees to observe another squad of soldiers.

As Mikasa ate dinner, she couldn’t help but feel excited about her upcoming late night training session with the captain. In truth, Mikasa loved training. She loved the exhilaration of it. The pump of endorphins that came from a rapid heartbeat. Mostly she trained by herself because a lot of her soldier companions couldn’t keep up with her. But she had never trained with someone like the captain before. While it was true what he said about her only being able to improve with someone who was better than her, Mikasa was determined to show Captain Levi that it wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, she had the confidence that she could beat him.

Late at night, Mikasa climbed out of bed, she was already in her spandex shorts and a t-shirt. She slipped on a hoodie and wrapped her hands with tape, just in case. When she stepped outside under the moon, she saw Levi was waiting for her in fitted sweats and his long-sleeved shirt.

He barely acknowledged her as he lead them behind the castle where the ground was flatter. He noticed her hand wraps and silently agreed that was a good way to start.

“Okay, Ackerman,” Levi said as he stretched out his arms. “Let’s see how good you are in hand-to-hand combat.”

Levi would be lying if he said he hadn’t been looking forward to this. It’s been a very long time since he’s had to fight anyone. Not since his underground days. And even then, no one was really a match for him and his Ackerman genes. He had a very distinct feeling that it would be different with Mikasa.

Mikasa rolled out her shoulders and neck, after planning in her head how to kick his ass. They both took up their stances.

“Don’t hold back,” Levi said. I can take it, he thought.

Oh, don’t worry, Mikasa thought, I won’t.

Mikasa closed the distance between them with a swinging roundhouse kick to Levi’s torso. He lowered his left hand from in front of his face in order to block her kick, and as soon as he did, Mikasa sent a flying right jab to his cheek. But he still blocked it!

“Too predictable,” he said, calm as ever, as he sent a jab of his own to her torso.

Mikasa stumbled a few steps back, irritated by how easily he did that. Levi never had any formal combat training. He went from being an outlaw to a scout without having gone through the proper training. And in the underground as a street fighter, most of the people he fought were either thugs or military police who all had the same formal training, so he knows what to expect from a trained soldier.

“In addition to anticipating your opponent’s attack, anticipate that they also know how you’re going to attack.”

Levi let her digest that for a moment before charging at her.

Damn, he’s fast, Mikasa thought, as she barely had time to block his attack. Levi raised his leg, a kick to the torso. Mikasa took the hit but quickly grabbed his ankle, effectively flipping Levi so that he fell on his face. Mikasa wasted no time in grabbing his arms and restraining them behind his back, her knee digging into his back.

“If you were an enemy soldier, I’d tie your hands and take you in for questioning,” Mikasa told him through labored breathing.

“Very good,” Levi said, his chin in the dirt. “But make sure you’re strong enough to do so.”

With a grunt, Levi broke his hands free of her hold, and in one swift motion that Mikasa could not even describe, she found herself suddenly on the ground on her back with her captain on top of her, her hands being held above her head.

“Tell me, Ackerman, how would you get yourself out of this one?”

Mikasa grunted in frustration. Damn! He’s got me pinned, she thought. In anger she retorted, “Kick you in the balls.”

That earned her a chuckle from her captain.

“Not bad,” Levi, said, releasing her hands and going to stand. “So—” he started to say before he received a blow to his chin, flipping him over, and suddenly it was Mikasa who straddled him, his hands above his head this time. 

“What was that you were saying? You didn’t say we were done. You shouldn’t take your eyes off your opponent, Captain.”

“You’re right,” Levi said, a small smirk forming on his lips. He barely struggled against her hold. In fact, one could say he relaxed into it.

“So, Captain, how would you get yourself out of this?” Mikasa huffed. It was a rarity to see her captain in such a vulnerable position as he looked up at her straddling him.

“I wouldn’t,” Levi said, the tone in his voice low and somewhat playful. “I quite like this position.”

Immediately, Mikasa’s cheeks flushed hot at the implication of his words. Her first instinct was to get off him. And in that momentary lapse, Levi broke his hands free, his hips bucking against hers to flip Mikasa on her back before calmly standing up and looking down on her.

“Expect anything,” he said coolly, his face unreadable. He stretched out his hand to her.

Without looking up at him, she took it. “I’m not sure that was entirely fair.”

Levi brushed off some of the dirt on him, mumbling to himself how filthy he was.

“How does the saying go? ‘All’s fair in love and war’?” Levi rubbed his chin where Mikasa hit him. “Tomorrow again, Ackerman.”

It wasn’t a question by any means. Nor was it a suggestion. Mikasa nodded to her captain, as she followed him back into the castle. As he disappeared into his quarters, Mikasa nearly sprinted to her room. She began to strip off her clothes so she could shower, and when she slipped off her panties to examine them, she noticed a wet spot on them. Wet with a clear substance that only meant one thing.

Was she really that turned on by the captain’s simple words that were meant to be just a ruse? She blushed. Then she brushed away any inappropriate thoughts. Clearly, he wasn’t suggesting anything sexual, right? So why did she take it that way? She wrapped herself in her towel and headed for the showers, hoping to cool off.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Mikasa's late night training session takes a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the encouraging comments!! Hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing :)

The next day the scout regiment had another training session with the new anti-personnel vertical maneuvering gear and more labor work after that. The only time Mikasa saw Levi was during the scout training session, but she didn’t dare stare at him for any long period of time. He didn’t really seem to notice or even acknowledge her really, but still, she avoided his gaze until training ended.

What the hell was wrong with her? Okay, so what? She felt a little tingle down there. It was normal for that to happen randomly, right? She bet herself that if she looked at the banana on Sasha’s tray, she could feel the same tingle. Not a big deal. To prove it to herself, she intensely stared at the banana. A ripe yellow with brownish marks.

Sasha picked it up, giddily peeling it before taking it into her mouth, while listening to what Connie was saying. As she did, she could feel Mikasa’s stare boring into her, eyes deathly fierce.

“What is it?” Sasha asked and clamped her jaw down on the fruit.

Mikasa snapped out of it, embarrassed that her mind just replaced the banana with something else completely.

“Nothing. I just…that looks so good. I should’ve grabbed one,” she said, recovering.

“You want a piece?” Sasha offered.

“No, it’s okay.”

Sasha looked relieved at that answer.

“Hey! You’re Captain Levi’s team right? The ‘heroes of Shiganshina’?” Next to the Levi squad’s dinner table sat several female soldiers, looking at them expectantly.

“That’s right,” Connie said, cocking his head with a grin, clearly pleased to be recognized and by cute female soldiers no less.

“That’s amazing,” a petite brunette said. “What’s Captain Levi like? Is he always such the dark and brooding type?”

“Not be inappropriate or anything but I would jump his bones in a heartbeat,” the girl with long blonde hair said, fanning herself in exaggeration.

They looked young and were obviously new scout recruits who likely have never even seen a titan. They were totally fangirling for the captain, it was almost painful to hear. Why and how the hell did they end up joining the scouts?  
Connie visibly pouted and went back to his food.

“Ew,” Sasha exclaimed. “Please don’t put those thoughts of the captain in my head.”

“But he’s so hot,” the brunette continued, in awe that others didn’t think so. “Do you know if he has a girlfriend?”

“Yeah, right,” Jean chimed in, almost laughing. “The captain is far too busy and way too serious to have a girlfriend.” No way the captain could score himself a relationship before he could.

Girlfriend? The thought of any of them having a significant other had seemed so absurd just a few years ago. Who had time to even think about love or girlfriends or boyfriends, or even sex for that matter? Life had always been about survival ever since Reiner and Bertholdt broke through the walls, unleashing hell itself upon life within the walls. From one day to the next, it was all about finding out the truth about the walls and the titans, protecting Eren, killing titans, and getting to Eren’s basement. They’d come so far. So much that there was no need to even kill titans anymore, not unless they were shifting titans. Mikasa wondered if in the last couple of years, even in the last couple of months, was creating a life with someone suddenly a possible option? Loving someone and bringing life into this world?

She thought of Eren and sighed.

What about actually having sex with someone? The memory of Levi staring up at her with his dark eyes beneath her weight suddenly popped into her head and she blushed.

Dammit. Why was she reacting like such a teenager? She shrugged it off.

After finishing dinner, she headed to her bedroom to prepare for her late night training session with the captain. She had to keep her cool. It was nothing. She was sure the captain was not thinking about such inappropriate musings. He was her superior after all. That was against the rules, wasn’t it? She actually had no idea.

She rested on her bed for a bit but she started to become consumed by her thoughts so Mikasa decided to work out until the time came to meet the captain. She did several rounds of alternating sit-ups and pushups, working up a light sweat that got her heartrate going.

When Mikasa made her way outside into the cool, dark night, Levi was already there. He had his back to her. When he was aware of her presence he nodded to her.

“Oi, catch,” he said as he tossed her a practice wooden knife.

Judging by his attitude, Mikasa determined last night was really just a ruse to catch her off guard. The captain didn’t see her that way. Not in that form or manner.

Levi wasn’t blind. Nor was he stupid. He saw how flustered his subordinate became when he made that comment. He saw the nervousness in her eyes as she moved to get up. Of course he only made that flirtatious remark in order to break free of her hold. Sure, Mikasa was worth a hundred soldiers, but he rarely lost in battle, especially in a training session. However, Levi would be denying himself if he said he didn’t enjoy it. Watching the normally resigned Mikasa suddenly squirm above him was nothing short of amusing. But he saw how uncomfortable that made her, so he wasn’t going to push that button any further. Maybe, however, he could push other buttons.

They reached the same training grounds as the night before without either of them saying a word.

Levi spun the wooden knife in his hand several times. “Let’s roleplay a little.” Mikasa raised an eyebrow at him.

“Let’s say I had your precious Eren gagged and tied up hostage, and I had this knife to his throat, ready to slice his head right off. How would you defend against that and save Eren?”

What the hell was this? Was he just trying to get her riled up again so that she would put all her rage into her attack?

“I’d send my knife flying into your eye. Or, presuming I had ODM gear on, I behead you in one swift motion and easily grab Eren.”

“As soon I see you move a muscle, I’m cutting.”

“You wouldn’t. I’m not a normal soldier. I’d be faster than any one of those Marleyan soldiers, they’d be dead before they could blink.”

Hard to get, huh. “I don’t think you understand the point of roleplaying.”

“I’m not here to play at all,” she said, staring at him dead in eye. She wanted to skip all of this bullshit. What was the point of this?

He studied her countenance. They could assume a staring contest and he was sure it would last for days.

“Okay, then. Let’s say I, the captain, had Eren tied up and gagged. How would you defend yourself against me?”

Was this still roleplaying?

“Why would that ever happen?”

“Think about it, Ackerman. As of right now Eren is a rogue soldier. He’s considered a traitor for going against military orders and hiding out in Marley and convening with Zeke. As soon as he calls for us to help him and we gain custody of him and his titan powers, he will be arrested, and you will be expected to comply.” His disdain for Eren was clear in his voice.

Eren had abandoned not just Mikasa, but all of them. He decided to trust his long lost brother Zeke, instead of the scouts. That wasn’t exactly what Levi had meant when he had told him do what his conscious dictates. And it all but pissed Levi off. The fact that time and time again, they all put their hopes and faith for humanity in Eren and then he goes rogue on them. Doesn’t even bother to let his own comrades be privy to his plans. His titan abilities were always supposed to be under the military control, and Eren had broken that protocol.

“I did say I would dispose of Eren if he ever became a threat.” He saw Mikasa’s face twitch just with barely controlled anger. “For the sake of this training exercise, let’s say you weren’t complying, what would you do to kill me and protect Eren? Are you prepared to kill me, even if Eren is in the wrong?”

This was more than just a training session to measure her abilities. This was about where her loyalties lie. Could she turn on the scouts to save Eren if he indeed had turned on the scouts too? But didn’t he already turn on the scouts? If he hadn’t, he would be here right now, helping them figure out a way to save the people on Paradis and rise against Marley and other nations. If Eren turned on them and he became a threat that Levi had to exterminate, could she—would she—take down the captain in order to save Eren? Even though Eren had left her—had left them all?

There was only one way to find out.

She took her stance, just like Levi had instructed.

Okay, then. Levi followed suit.

With a yell, Mikasa came at him, but instead of using the knife in her hand, she landed a knee into her captain’s abdomen, surprising him and effectively making him lose his breath. Then she backhanded him. The sudden combo caught him off guard, he barely managed to grab her wrist with her knife in hand, just as she grabbed his. They held each other’s wrists, struggling for dominance. Mikasa damn near growled at the resistance. She went for another knee, missing. It was just the leverage Levi needed as he twisted her wrist just enough to force her to let go of her knife. He sidestepped and twisted her arm around her back. He hit the back of her knees so hard that her legs immediately buckled beneath her. Her arms were rendered useless from his hold. He held the wooden knife to her throat but he didn’t make a slicing motion. He bent down so that his breath was hot in her ear.

“I wouldn’t kill you,” he whispered, surprising her with how calm he was again. A shiver went through her. “I wouldn’t betray you either. And I certainly would never abandon the scouts.”

Mikasa’s eyes briefly grew wide at his words. She stopped struggling and froze. Maybe it was his hot breath on the back of her neck making her hairs stand up, maybe it was his words, his loyalty to her and their comrades, that made her sink into his hold. How desperately she had wanted that reassurance from Eren. Even if he just wrote it in one of his stupid letters, it would let her know that Eren still cared about her. That they were still on the same side. That he trusted her.

Mikasa let her face fall into Levi’s closed hand that held the knife. A hot sting behind her eyes. She felt like she could cry. So many of her feelings and uncertainties all these months suddenly seemed somehow at least marginally placated by his words in a way that she knew she wanted but didn’t know how desperately she needed. And she certainly didn’t expect those words to come from the captain of all people.

It shocked him. The sudden feeling of her soft and hot cheek nuzzled on his fist, her body almost limp in his hold.

He let the knife slip through his fingers and cupped her face, turning it upward to look at him. Her pained eyes were glossy in the moonlight. Two pools of warring emotions. Emotions that he understood but never displayed, never spoke on or acknowledged. Perhaps he pushed her too far. Perhaps it wasn’t the right way to go about this. She was so vulnerable in that moment before him. So afraid and sad, and maybe relieved? With her exposed in front of him, Levi was surprised to find the sensation to be quite intoxicating.

He had seen her shiver as he whispered in her ear.

He couldn’t help himself. His hand moved slowly to her neck, his thumb tracing over her jaw and throat. He felt another shudder go through her body, felt her pulsating heartbeat through the vein on her neck. His steely eyes were trained on hers. Gently but firmly, he squeezed until something between a yelp and a moan escaped her throat, his eyes never leaving hers. She didn’t make a move to attack or get away from him.

She trusted him.

Levi dropped to his knees behind her, a jolt of hot blood rushing through his body. His one hand still held her wrists behind her back, the other snaked its way to her waist. He took in the smell of her neck before lapping at her skin. It was salty from the sweat.

The feel of Levi’s sudden wet, hot tongue on her neck made her hiss. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. She’s never felt this sensation before. Spiking heat in her limbs. It excited her, as she felt that tingle in her most sensitive area again, but it was different. The tingle had evolved into a wave that vibrated through her. She could hardly believe it was her captain making her feel this good. His hand found its way beneath her training shirt, roaming the flat of her stomach.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Mikasa breathed out. No, she didn’t want any part of this to end, but at the same time she didn’t want to admit to her arousal. He let go of her hands and she was suddenly worried that he was going to stop everything he was doing. Instead his hand came up to grasp her hair. He tugged her head back.

“I asked you a question,” he whispered roughly into her ear.

“No,” she moaned out louder than she intended. The mix of pain and pleasure making her breathless. “Don’t stop.”

Levi thrust his hips against her in response. Mikasa could feel that he didn’t want to stop either.

With both hands, and without wasting time, Levi cupped her breasts from underneath her sports bra, exploring each mound gingerly. Mikasa had to bite down on her lip to keep from moaning out again. Levi’s hands were tender in their massages. She never had someone play with her breasts before and she realized she enjoyed it. Heat amassed in her cheeks as Mikasa reveled in the feeling, barely noticing Levi’s right hand move away until he reached her spandex, snaking its way underneath the band. Levi felt her folds through her panties, investigating to determine just how aroused she was. He was very satisfied with what he found. With his mouth on her neck, his hand slipped by her panties so he could dip one digit into her, earning a sudden gasp from Mikasa.

“You’re so wet.”

Despite herself Mikasa blushed, sure that the easy way Levi slid his finger in and out of her gave way to how needy she felt.

Levi took his time and went slow. Instinct told him she’s never had this kind of thing done to her before. He didn’t want to move too fast on h. If she knew what was good for her, she would turn around and change her mind. But he heard no protests, just heavy breathing from her and small moans that encouraged him. His thumb came up to rub her clit.

It took all of Mikasa not to cry out. She felt as though she was drowning in sensation.

She’d never felt like this before, this burning in her loins, not even during the few times she had touched herself. That was nothing compared to the lustful desire she felt for her captain at the moment. He was so good. Gentle but precise and purposeful. She did not expect that from humanity’s strongest soldier but at the same time she wasn’t all that surprised. And then when he slipped a second finger into her, she couldn’t help but moan out loud.

That turned him on and he delved his fingers in and out of her even faster. Mikasa threw her hips back at the invasion, right into his crotch, enticing a small groan from her captain.

This was not how he was expecting the night to go. Certainly not after all those things he said about Eren. To tell you the truth, he hadn’t thought of Mikasa in that way, not until recently anyway. She was always preoccupied with Eren, and they were always occupied with staying alive and defeating the titans. No, it wasn’t until around the time Eren left them in Marley that he began to really notice Mikasa. He noticed how withdrawn she became with the loss of Eren, and he didn’t like it. He observed her in training and she didn’t have that same intensity in her actions like she had when they would go on scouting missions. She had always been graceful, fast, and powerful. Like him. Something inside him wanted to see if he could bring that spark back.

He continued pumping his fingers in and out of her, listening to sound of her labored breathing. His left hand reached up to caress her neck.

Her whole life, Mikasa always acted on instinct. Whether it was saving Eren, civilians, her comrades or herself, she let her gut feeling guide her and it hasn’t failed her thus far. So when her primal instinct was to take two of Levi’s fingers into her mouth to suck on, she didn’t hesitate. It felt almost necessary as her want and need of him grew.

Levi bit down on her shoulder to keep from throwing her on the ground and taking her right then and there.

“You’re going to come on my hand now,” he told her, his voice low and husky, his tone on the verge of desperation.

It was all so much. The dirty talk, his fingers in her hot mouth, his other fingers deep inside her. Her orgasm came rattling through her entire body, her moans strained against his fingers. Her hips bucked desperately against his hand as she rode the wave, her body shuddering against him.

Levi watched it all on her face, unrestrained. Mikasa didn’t notice but it made his entire body shudder.

When Levi withdrew his fingers, covered in her juices, he raised them up to their faces, and said, “Let’s see what you taste like.”

Mikasa watched in utter shock and strange, erotic satisfaction as he took one digit into his mouth, tasting her, his countenance as cool and calm as ever. He offered his other finger to her lips. There was something sexy about his sexual comfortability with her that made her go ahead and grab his hand, taking his finger into her mouth. She was surprised to find that it didn’t really taste much like anything.

“You’re such a good subordinate. I don’t even have to tell you what to do,” Levi bated her.

Even though a blush crept up to her face, Mikasa wouldn’t let him get away with that comment. She squarely elbowed him on his side. He feigned a groan like it hurt, but he was amused.

“You’re filthy,” Mikasa said in some sort of futile attempt to justify her responsive behavior.

Levi was not fazed. “I’d argue you’re the dirtier one here.”

He couldn’t ignore his bulging hard cock in his pants, waiting to be released. Dammit. He glanced at Mikasa as she collected herself.

“Make sure you shower and get a good night’s rest. We’ll train again tomorrow. Anything else is… extracurricular… and optional.”

Without as much as taking another glance at her, he made his way back to the barracks. Mikasa followed behind him. Optional, huh, she thought. She watched him go in the opposite direction toward the men’s showers.

In the shower, Levi propped one arm against the wall, steadying himself, while his other hand moved up and down his member. The hot water cascaded down his lower back. It’d been so long since he’d done this. Relieved himself this way—in any way, actually. It didn’t take him long at all. Remembering Mikasa’s moans and the way her body trembled against him, he came fast with a grunt.

When he finished showering, he went up to his captain’s quarters to try for sleep, unable to completely get Mikasa out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do bananas grow inside the walls?? Let me know what you think/how you feel about how the characters are being portrayed!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Levi continue with their training sessions. The feeling of wanting something so fleeting is both haunting and tempting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the encouraging comments, they really help keeping the motivation up for this story!
> 
> Be warned, LEMON ahead (because who doesn't love some LevixMikasa smut).

The following day, two squads, including the Levi squad were scheduled to help set up and the operate training grounds, in addition to quality check the weaponry. This included setting up targets for other squads to practice the following day and assuring that all weaponry in the arsenal was accounted for and operational. Several other newer squads were currently out on an exploration excursion that usually occurred once a month. The Levi squad was one of the last squad teams to join on these new excursions to survey the land outside wall because they already had the most experience in the past. Since the number of titans outside the walls were nearly slim to none—except for maybe a few lingering ten to fifteen meter titans—the exploration excursions were a chance for the newer scouts to gain field experience, while the more seasoned squads stayed behind.

Most people on the Levi squad and other more experienced squads hated this because setting up training grounds and weaponry quality assurance could be quite tedious so they just complained through it, but Mikasa for one was thankful. Her body was more sore than she thought it would be from training with Levi the last two nights.

Every time she thought back to what they did, no less of the things they didn’t do, she felt a slight heat on her cheeks.

In the moment, as it was happening, she wanted nothing more for him continue, felt as though she would disintegrate if he stopped. And yet, when it was over and he barely looked at her, as she laid in bed thinking, she couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the intimate and sexual act between her and her captain. Part of her felt foolish. How easily she succumbed to the captain’s deft hands. From last night, he must know how inexperienced she was. And still, she remembered the effect she also had on him. The hard bulge poking at her through his sweatpants.

She bit her lip. Images of the captain naked fluttered into her brain.

“Hey, Mikasa, you okay?”

She blinked. Jean stared at her, concerned.

“Huh?” was all she could say.

“You were dazed out for a second. You’re only on your third thunder spear.” He pointed to the spear in her hands. “I’m halfway through inspecting this entire cart. I know it’s boring as all hell, but I don’t want you get caught slacking off, ya know.”

“I’m not slacking off,” she defended, wiping down the spear thoroughly with a rag and inspecting for any irregularities with the functionality before placing it into another cart, keeping count in her head. Mikasa picked up another spear to clean and examine.

Jean raised an eyebrow at her but shrugged it off. He wondered for a second if he should ask what’s wrong but thought better of it. Not like she would ever open up to him. Unless it was Eren or Armin, Mikasa hardly ever opened much. Especially to him. No doubt she knew how he felt about her. He sighed. He wanted to give it up but, gosh, she was so freaking pretty. If you asked him, Eren was the dumbest man alive not to see what he had in front of him. Even now that he was gone, it still seemed like he had no shot.

“Listen up, brats,” came the sharp and direct voice of their captain. “When everyone is through counting and inspecting all the equipment, we’ll move on to set up the training grounds. These two tasks have to be completed by the end of day. Doesn’t matter how long it takes. No one breaks for dinner until everything and everyone is finished.” Levi left no room for discussion or rebuttal. As he scanned the room as he spoke, his glance lingered over Mikasa’s eyes for just half a second longer, before retreating out of the warehouse.

Levi wasn’t the kind of person to bullshit himself. He knew his needs and he knew them rather well. And his body told him that the years of foregoing any self-pleasure were catching up to him.

He couldn’t even quite remember when the last time was that he had laid with a woman. He was sure it was in the underground, some time before he joined the scouts.

Way before then, Levi had lost his virginity to a prostitute at the age of sixteen. Thanks to his buddies in the group of thugs he rolled with at the time.

Out of the six of them that rolled together, only two of them were still virgins. Himself and a fifteen-year-old kid named Robbie Chandler. To celebrate a job they completed, which included duping a couple of MPs into admitting to some heinous relations, the four other guys in the group paid for Robbie and himself to finally get laid at a semi-high end brothel in the underground.

It had been very enjoyable. As far as Levi cared, sex was more or less transactional and desire-driven. After all, it was better not to get too attached. Everyone either lies, leaves, dies or betrays you. Including that group of thugs he used to roll with. The closest thing he ever had to a family were Isabel and Furlan, and then the scouts after they died. His team and his subordinates. He wasn’t sure if he believed in love, but if there was such a thing, he assumed it would mirror his loyalty to the scouts.

When the workday was through, Mikasa settled for a quick dinner in the hall amongst her squad team members before calling it a night and retreating to her room. She wanted to rest before her training session with the captain. Who knew what he would literally throw at her that night.

**********************

“I want you to defend yourself against me.”

There was a brisk chill in the air tonight. The cloudiness of the sky only let the moon peek out its light every so often. There was a single candle lamp on the ground for some extra illumination. Levi had his arms folded across his chest as he spoke.

“No attacks, no counters. Just defense.”

Mikasa asked, “Why’s that?”

“Practice. If you can defend yourself against my speed and attacks, you can probably dodge and counter just about anything.”

“What about attacking you?”

“We’ll save that for another night.” She nodded. They stood just several feet from each other. “Get ready.”

Mikasa raised her fists in front of her face. She studied Levi’s face and form, searching for a clue as to where and how he would strike first.

Levi lunged forward off his back foot. With his forearm in front of him, Mikasa was certain he was going to go for her upper body, so she was surprised when he dropped to the ground, swiping his leg swiftly beneath her, effectively knocking her on her ass. She winced from the impact but rose into a sidestep just in time to dodge Levi’s uppercut.

He came at her again with a knee that Mikasa blocked with one hand. Her fast instincts allowed her to anticipate Levi’s flying fist, which she caught with her other hand. She almost raised her fist to hit him back on pure reflex and had to pull back her punch at the last second, which gave Levi an opening and he sent a blow to her ribs. Mikasa blew out air in a huff. Now she really wanted to hit him back.

“Good,” was all Levi said, giving her a second to recover before coming at her with a kick. Mikasa blocked it with her forearm and shoved the offensive leg away.

They continued like so back and forth. Mikasa enjoyed the feeling of her primal instincts automatically kicking in to defend herself. She hadn’t felt that in a long time. Their regular training with the other squads had become lightwork, so she didn’t get this exhilarating fighting sensation often. Not since the threat of the titans. Of course back then it was different. It was not a feeling you could enjoy, it was survival. No, the last time she must have felt this kind of adrenaline was probably when they were in the cadet corps, training to prove their worth and show the officials who was the best and most skilled. It came naturally to her. And Mikasa wasn’t obnoxiously smug about it but she did like knowing she could be the best at something as useful as this.

She wondered if Levi found it as exciting as she did. They were after all the only ones who could compete with one another. When she thought about it, these nightly training sessions were probably really good practice for him as well.

Levi had to admit he was mildly impressed with how fast Mikasa’s reflexes actually were. Of course, he landed many hits and told her she needed to think several steps ahead of her opponent. But as they continued, she seemed to pick up his fighting patterns quicker than he thought she would, so he landed less and less hits as the time went on. However, he wasn’t giving his absolute all. Not yet. That would come during a future training session. He really just wanted to gage where her skill level was at.

By the end of their session they were both spent. Especially Mikasa. She laid back on the grass, looking up at the moon behind the clouds and the stars. Throughout the session they had inadvertently moved closer to the entrance of the castle.

As Mikasa huffed, she glanced at Levi, who had one arm resting on a bent leg. His chest rose and fell with each slow breath. He was not nearly as spent as she was and definitely not as dirty. “This is hardly fair. I’m all banged up and bruised and there’s not a scratch on you.”

He side-eyed her, taking notice of her bare milky legs. She had worn shorts. Yeah, her legs were dirty, but they had a nice form and build to them, it would be a disservice not to admire them. How he wondered what those creamy legs would feel like wrapped around his waist…

“You can get me back tomorrow.”

“What are we doing tomorrow?”

“The opposite. You attack and I defend.”

Mikasa couldn’t help but smirk as she sat up. “In that case, I’ll look forward to it.”

Levi snorted, standing and brushing off dirt. Filthy.

“I’m hitting the showers,” he told her. Then, his eyes shifting away from her, “You can…join me if you want.”

By the time the invitation registered in her mind, the captain was already walking toward the barracks.

Was he serious?

Of course he was. The captain never said anything he didn’t mean. But to nonchalantly throw the proposition out like that was awkward and blunt to say the least. Mikasa remained on the ground, her shock caused by both flattery and massive nervousness.

Several ideas ran through her mind of what they could do in the showers together. Things she’s never done before. Things she’s certainly considered in the past—especially in the last day—things she’s briefly spoken about with other female comrades. Would he really be expecting her to do all that? More importantly, could she do it?

Levi stood in the shower, alone, letting the water rain down on him. He had already finished soaping and washing himself clean. He was unsure how many minutes had passed. Part of him had expected her not to meet him in the showers. And it could be for a slew of very sensible reasons. None that he cared to deeply consider or dwell on. But what he hadn’t expected was this feint, hallow feeling that pierced his gut now. What was it?

Disappointment? The feeling of getting your hopes up and having them falter? I guess that was one thing he had thankfully lost the ability to do—get his hopes up. What hope was there in this broken world? It was a risky sentiment. It all came down to what you knew and what you could do. Nothing was ever promised. Not today, not tomorrow. Not even life itself. And certainly of all else, not pleasure.

How strange it was to feel this…discontentment now.

Mikasa listened to the muffled shower water. Curiosity was what had gotten her from the training grounds to the door outside the men’s showers. A burning curiosity to pursue her innate bodily desires. A desire that, up until recently, she didn’t think she really deserved.

This crazy and cruel world had robbed her of so much already: her family, friends, childhood, happiness. Desire and pleasure seemed miniscule compared to all that. And yet, somehow here it was, not only knocking on her door but opening it for her. She did deserve this, she thought. She deserved to take advantage of whatever borrowed time she had left.

Levi’s hand was ready to pull the lever of the shower water when he heard the door swing open.

The back of Levi’s head was visible above the wooden shower door in the stall at the end. Discarded on the floor were his clothes. Aware of her approaching presence, Levi wondered what nerve she probably had to muster to come here. Whatever internal battle she was fighting, she was here for the same reason he was.

He turned to meet her steady gaze. The only light came from the candle lamp above the stall that he had brought in. The flame danced in its cage, swaying shadows on both their faces.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, the door to the shower between them. He knew she’d never done this before, could sense it the night before.

It was too late to turn back. But it’s not like she even wanted to.

Mikasa’s eyes didn’t leave his as she lifted her shirt up and over her head, throwing them somewhere on the floor next to his garments. Without looking away from him, her sports bra came off next, her breasts coming free of their restraints. Levi studied her face. In her eyes, he saw that spark he was curious about. Inwardly, he smiled.

Mikasa slipped off her shorts and panties. Then she swung the shower door open and stepped inside. As the warm water hit her body, it sent a chill through her, giving her goosebumps. Her eyes roamed over whatever detail she could see in the dim light. Levi’s body was compact but exquisitely muscular and toned and well proportioned.

She took a shallow breath, willing her hands to run along his chest and abdomen. It was slick and entirely wet, his muscles hard and his skin surprisingly soft. She glanced at his cock hanging between them. She had never held one in her hand. About all she knew of penises was that in order for men to get off, they merely stroked themselves to completion. She hesitated just for a second and Levi took hold of her wrist.

Her eyes flickered up to his. His gaze was unreadable, except for the heat in his eyes. His lips found her neck, tasting the remnants of sweat there. He traced her collarbone with his mouth, licking the water off her body. Mikasa let out a sigh. Levi bent her body into him as his mouth found her breast. This was really happening, she thought, in partial shock. Then his tongue sought her nipple, lapping circles around the small bud. A moan escaped her, close to his ear. And when that caused him to roughly bite down on her nipple, she gasped, grabbing the side of his face. Levi lifted his head to look at her.

Gods, that face. Mouth agape, brows knitted in pleasure. The expression of minute pain and sexual gratification. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to drown.

Truthfully, it wasn’t until Levi had his hand on Mikasa’s neck out in the training grounds that he really sexualized her. When he choked her, emanating that moan of pain and pleasure from her, he felt a raw sense of excitement course through him. The fact that he had someone as strong and tough as Mikasa at his mercy, her life almost quite literally in his hands, and the fact that she trusted him with it, was not only exhilarating but very sexy as well. It’s not like he didn’t know how naturally beautiful Mikasa was; there was simply no chance to appreciate it.

His current squad were literally the survivors of the titan excursions. Time and time again they fought for their lives to the teeth. The only goal had been to not die. Now that things have slowed down, it was strange to live a semi-normal life. It felt almost foreign to let these very natural human desires play out. And it was going to take a lot for Levi to hold back from ravaging Mikasa.

Sensing no further protests, Levi’s mouth continued its excursion down the flat of her abdomen. His hands rubbed her thighs and gave her glutes a firm squeeze and rub. Mikasa held in a moan, not wanting to sound so needy. When Levi reached the area Mikasa hadn’t realized she had wanted him to go to the most, he took his time kissing and licking the inside of her thighs. Mikasa’s breath came in short spurts, almost unbelieving that her captain, her always stern boss, was so dangerously close to her sex.

Was he really going to…?

On his knees now, Levi lifted one of Mikasa’s legs and propped it over his shoulder. He didn’t hesitate to lap her up. At first slow and long licks across her folds and soft curls. Then he became more unreserved, his tongue taking a journey from one end of her pussy to the top where her clit was.

“Mm, fuck,” Mikasa moaned out loud now. One hand held onto the wall of the shower stall, while the other shot down to dig into Levi’s hair. She had had no idea how good this could feel. To have a wet, hot tongue glide around your most intimate, most sensitive area was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. She body continually shuddered.

How on Earth had she not done this sooner? And to see Levi’s black hair and face deep against her folds was by far one of the most arousing sights this side of the walls. Mikasa moaned out another curse.

Levi had forgotten how good pussy tasted. He’d had women back in the underground. It was never anything serious with the women he let hang around him from time to time. Mostly it was women that his partners brought around, who wanted to fuck him and he would give it to them out of his own needs for sexual release. He never slept with a woman more than once or twice, had never been in a relationship, but certainly enjoyed fucking when it was convenient. But after he joined the scouts, extracurricular activities like sex had taken a hard seat on the backburner.

Now, as he had Mikasa writhing above him, the water from the shower and her juices mixing into his mouth, he could hardly believe he ever stopped fucking at all. He barely managed to hold in his own guttural groans. His tongue continued to play with her clit as he inserted two fingers into her, pumping rapidly.

Mikasa couldn’t help but grind her hips against Levi’s willing mouth as her body had a mind of its own and was desperate to reach that blissful feeling of climax yet again. She felt it coming, like reaching a summit. She began to moan but it turned to a surprised gasp as the feel of the Levi’s tongue and fingers came to an abrupt halt and he stood to face her. She whimpered, confused.

“You’re going to come how I want you to,” he said. He licked his lips and wiped his mouth and chin with his hand, the water coming down around them. Mikasa was so angry she could have lunged at him, but Levi wasn’t finished, “With me inside you.”

Mikasa instantly blushed, even now completely naked in front of him, she still felt bashful at his words. There was something about the way he spoke full of unfettered sexual desire that not only made her blush but turned her on at the same time. Levi was not a man of many words but when he spoke it was always with deliberate intention. And Mikasa found it utterly sexy when he used that kind of language with her in such an intimate setting.

He pinned her against the shower wall, gripped her hips and hoisted her up. Her legs reflexively wrapped around his waist for support.

His hand came up to caress her neck. Who knew the captain was capable of such tender gestures.

“This will hurt. You’re sure?” he asked. Even though he was impossibly hard as rock, this was still his subordinate. Someone he shared the battlefield with over and over again.

He found himself staring at her lips.

“I…” she breathed out and then was absolutely unsure of what she wanted to say. I want this. I want to know what it’s like. I want you. But she settle for, “I trust you.”

Levi, not expecting that response, still didn’t let his expression falter as he looked at her and remained cool and steady.

With his tip in position, Levi slowly moved into her entrance. Mikasa’s hold on his shoulders and neck tightened as she felt his engorged cock begin to enter her. Oh, yeah, it hurt. Fuck, did it hurt. The pain of his member pushing through her inner walls almost felt like it didn’t belong. She felt as if no penis belonged in such a tight hole. How the hell did people do this? She held on to the trunk of his body, biting down on his shoulder to keep from crying out.

Levi slipped his dick out just enough where the tip was still at her entrance and moved in again. She was so wet but so damn tight, her body was going to have to get used to him a little first. He would have to slip in and out of her a few times before plunging in, knowing that was the only way for her not to feel so much pain. He proceeded. His hand cupped the side of her face as he began to trail kisses and licks along her neck and clavicle to help her not to focus on the pain. He even took a nipple into his mouth again to play with, which earned him a hard moan.

He took her chin in his hand forcefully. His mouth descended upon her lips for the first time, rough and fast, surprising her. At the same time he plunged into her completely with a hard thrust. Mikasa began to cry out, pulling away from his distracting kiss, but Levi was unforgiving and bit down on her bottom lip, thrusting in and out at a quicker pace than her tightness allowed.

Mikasa’s blood boiled so much that she nearly forgot about the pain of him inside her. She ripped her lips away from his and reflexively went to injure him back and clamped her canines down on his cheek.

With a growl, Levi tore his face away, half pissed off but mostly turned on that she just attacked him like that. He ground her back against the wall in response as he continued to move inside her. The anger she saw flash on his face made her smirk. She loved knowing she could break his cool countenance. This was a feat she didn’t know she could take pleasure in accomplishing. Levi wanted to get her back for that sexy smirk she just gave him. With a hand gripping her neck again, he continued to pump into her at a more steady pace, the pain she was feeling seemingly fading away. He choked her until all she could let out were desperate yelps and whimpers of pain and pleasure as he pumped into her, barely any space between their bodies.

For Mikasa, the pain of him inside her had subsided, as each of his thrusts brought more and more pleasure. What turned her on most about the way he choked her was how he seemed to know what would be too much and dangerous and what would be gratifying. Like he knew just how much she could take because of how strong she was. When he was satisfied with her little cries he softened his hold and kissed her again, less rough and more eagerly.

Mikasa’s pussy was so tight, Levi was not sure how much longer he would last. Frankly he was surprised he had lasted as long as he had, but he knew his time was coming and he wanted to finish her off before he came. He reached down and began rubbing her clit, watching his dick rail in and out of her. She moaned against his jaw at the dual sensation.

She broke away to watch him. He was concentrated. His mouth hung open, breathing hard. His forehead sweating despite the shower water coming down on his back. He seemed transfixed on making her come, doing good by his word. She was going to come the way he wanted, inside her. It was delightful to study him, his shoulder blades undulating with every thrust, the muscles on his forearms contracting as he worked on her clit.

Mikasa wasn’t sure what turned her on more, him doing whatever it took to make her come or what the effect of his actions was doing to her body? But she didn’t dwell on that very long. She couldn’t, she was right on the edge. She bucked her hips against him, her nails digging into his shoulders. It was all she could do as her orgasm ripped through her, she cried out with half-lidded eyes. In those last seconds, Levi watched her face contort into one of pure bliss, enjoying the raw emotion that overtook her. Her walls closed in on him. His hips snapped forward. No longer able to hold back, he released his load into her with a loud and long grunt.

Levi held her nearly limp body against the wall for support, as she clung to him, recovering from yet another head-shattering orgasm. Mikasa’s chest rose and fell against his. Levi felt his dick twitch and made the call to pull out of her before his dick got any bright ideas. As far as he was concerned, he could fuck all night, but something told him that Mikasa was done for the night. It was her first time, of course. The weight of that thought suddenly hit him very hard but he decided he’d ponder on that later, privately.

“You know,” Mikasa said, “I’d no idea what I signed up for when I agreed to these training sessions.” There was an unfamiliar lightheartedness to her voice.

Levi stood under the shower head, letting it pour onto him. He hoped she knew this wasn’t part of some hidden agenda. He carefully thought about how to express that to her.

“I don’t regret it,” she finished, as if sensing this. He looked at her.

“I intend to continue our training sessions. This Marleyan threat is bigger than all of us.” He grabbed the soap and lathered his body, rubbing up his arms, chest, pelvis, and legs. Then he held out the soap to her. “You need to clean yourself properly.”

Always a clean freak.

Refraining from commenting, Mikasa took the soap and began to lather herself as Levi rinsed his body.

As Levi stepped out to dry himself off, Mikasa said, “Goodnight, Captain. Tomorrow I won’t lose.” He side eyed her.

“Ackerman,” Levi addressed her just as formally, “don’t forget to stretch. It’s important after a workout.”

She couldn’t see it, but she’d bet her life that there was some kind of smirk on his lips at his double entendre.

That night, to Levi’s surprise, he was able to fall asleep much easier than he had in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me any thoughts or comments! Happy holidays everyone, will update in 2021 o.O


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warring feelings and overthinking everything per usual...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating this slightly later than I wanted to, but here it is. Thanks for the support :) enjoy!

“What rotten luck,” Jean grumbled. “Getting stuck with inventory duty two days in a row.”

The Levi squad were on their way to the inventory warehouse again to clean, count and quality check more of their gear and weapons.

“Guess that’s what happens when you’re the veterans. At least it’s easy,” Connie said, letting out a yawn and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Jean shook his head. “Excursions are easy these days too and much less boring. Even getting more practice with the new maneuvering gear would be better than this.”

“Are you kidding?” Sasha said. “If we finish on time we’ll be the first ones to get to the dining hall.”

“That’s all you ever care about!” Jean cried out.

“If you want, Jean,” Levi said, coming toward them from several feet away, “we can put you on stable duty. I’m sure the new recruits could use a veteran helping them clean horse manure.”

Connie snickered and stifled a laugh.

Mikasa glanced at Levi and it was like a flash film of images from the night before—just hours ago—flickering through her mind. His hot breath in her ear, his grip on her hips. Her fingers entangled in his hair. She looked away, blushing, and berating herself for it.

“Captain,” Jean responded, looking sheepish that he was caught complaining. “No, that’s all right. I’ll stick to inventory.”

“Right,” Levi said, letting it go. Then he addressed the group “I’m going into town for a meeting. I don’t want to have to tell the other squad leaders to supervise you. Get your shit done and keep it moving. I’ll be back later.”

He headed off in the direction of the stables, catching just a brief glance of Mikasa’s face before he turned.

Again, Mikasa was grateful to be on inventory duty. To say her body was sore was a wild understatement. Not only was she sore from training with Levi, but she was also very sore on the inside of her thighs and in between her legs. Even her fucking lower back. The mere thought of riding a horse or having to use 3D gear for any length of time made her cringe presently.

Based on the few conversations she’s had with her female comrades, Mikasa knew that her first time having sex would be painful before it felt good and she had been warned that soreness was a side effect. But for one, she did not expect it to be that mind-blowingly good nor for her body to hurt this bad. She wasn’t by any means walking funky or swaggering, but she showed enough mild discomfort in her step for Armin to take notice and ask her if she was okay. Mikasa simply told him she went extra hard during her private physical training that she liked to do on her own. 

She felt bad about lying to him, but it seemed necessary, as she couldn’t come out and plainly admit that she had slept with the captain—or rather that their captain had fucked her into quite literally the next day. And that notion alone was by far the most unexpected turn of events that could have ever happened. Her and Captain Levi taking out their sexual frustrations out on each other like they didn’t know better. Well, maybe Levi did. But Mikasa was also not so innocent.

Levi may have made the first move, but he certainly made sure that their actions going forward were also of her own volition. At every step, he gave her the choice. And every time, she proceeded forward. Her initial choice to fool around with the captain was purely a heat-of-the-moment decision. Her decision to at last lose her virginity to him was a careful and contemplated one. And although she told him she had no regrets there was still this gnawing feeling inside her that she could only describe as guilt.

Guilty. But why?

The only answer that Mikasa could come up with to her ruminations was Eren. Did she feel bad about having sex with the captain because of Eren? But why…because the captain was their superior? Because if Eren found out, he’d probably judge her? But would he or would he not care at all? Why did a part of her feel like she was betraying him when he was the one who had left her? It didn’t make sense, and yet it was a thought she couldn’t shake. She put down the spear in the cart she’d just finished inspecting and cleaning and picked up another.

She noticed everyone else’s carts and realized that she was once again letting her thoughts get in the way of her duty, so she whisked away any further distractions and picked up the pace.

Levi knew Mikasa was going through it. Physically and perhaps mentally. It was subtle but he noticed her change of pace and body language. No doubt due to all their vigorous physical activities. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t pleased in the slightest at seeing the effects of his performance. Levi was not the kind of person who half-assed anything. He wasn’t concerned for Mikasa either. She was a strong girl, she’d be alright. No, it was more of what was going through her head that raised concerns if any.

Although he knew Mikasa wasn’t the kind of woman to get clingy or emotionally tied to anyone,—except when it came to Eren or Armin maybe—she had never had sex before and her behavior toward him because of that experience could range between her tying sex with emotion to him or simply tying sex with pleasure to him. Obviously he hoped for the latter and based on the way she behaved last night, it appeared to be the latter. She had acted purely out of desire, even if it was a desire she didn’t know she wanted. It was just as much as a pleasant surprise to him as it was to her. In this world, sex in the name of love was far from being the popular association. Sex in the name of desire was the game, as far as he was concerned.

That was easy. And not only did it feel right, but it gave him something to selfishly look forward to.

***************

The moon was high in the sky, bright under Levi and Mikasa. The night was windier than the last couple of nights. But it didn’t matter. With every punch and kick and combo that Mikasa threw at Levi, her heartrate sped up, elevating her body temperature.

Levi blocked and dodged her blows. His speed and reflexes aided him defensively. Still, Mikasa was faster than anyone he’d ever physically fought or sparred with—Kenny being the only exception. But she wasn’t landing any of her blows. And she was beginning to grow tired. He noticed her heavy breaths and increasingly sluggish combos. Was she that sore and tired or was something else distracting her?

“Come on, brat,” he baited her. “Stop trying to hit me and fucking hit me already.”

At that, Mikasa furrowed her eyebrows, thinking, I’ll show him, and concentrated on manifesting his words. She lunged at him, knee first, followed by a backhand, which he dodged and then sidestepped away from. She varied her combos, consciously breaking any patterns she may have been showing. When she feigned to the right in a fake, she shot back up with an uppercut, gutting him right in the ribs. He grunted and blocked a jab, but her foot came up and slashed him in the chin.

Mikasa edged him closer to the trees. Levi found himself having to think quicker about when and where to dodge. She landed another quick combo, and in the darkness, Levi was backed into a large tree. Her unrelentless fist flew at him and he ducked away at the very last second. Mikasa’s fist smashed against a jagged tree bark so hard that the leaves shook away and a branch above them broke off.

“Son of a—” Mikasa cursed, pulling her right hand to her chest. 

With some labored breathing, Levi grabbed her wrist to examine it. The top layer of skin on her first three knuckles was completely ripped off. All three bloody. The middle knuckle dripped with blood the most. Judging by how she winced as he touched the area around her knuckles, her hand was going to be swollen from bruising by tomorrow.

“You’re certainly not pulling your punches,” he said. She frowned, not looking at him. “Come on, let’s take care of that.”

She held her wrist, slowly flexing her fingers as she followed Levi. She didn’t want their session to be cut short, especially because she felt frustrated enough to keep hitting things—anything. But she could feel her heartbeat and the pain throbbing through the veins in her hand as   
Levi led her to his captain’s quarters, which was located at the end of a long hall in the castle.

Levi’s bedroom was bigger than hers. Large enough to hold a bed, desk, nightstands, and a large maroon armchair next to a small shelf of books. Although Levi had lit another two candle lamps, Mikasa didn’t need any light to know how impeccably clean Levi kept his bedroom.

He opened a drawer in a nightstand and pulled out a container and some pieces of cloth.

“Oi,” he said, getting her attention, “grab that bottle on my shelf will you.”

The bottle was dark and unmarked. What is this stuff, Mikasa thought, taking hold of it. She noticed one of the books flat on the shelf titled The Art of Tea Making and a few more about tea leaves and their aromas. Was the captain some kind of tea connoisseur? It was interesting to think of the captain having a hobby. Not that he ever spoke about it.

She handed him the bottle. He nodded to his bed. As soon as she sat on the mattress she sighed with unexpected exhaustion. Training twice every day was not going to be as easy as she thought.

Levi took a cloth and dipped a canteen of water into it.

“Can I ask you something?” Mikasa said, staring at her knuckles, the blood beginning to dry.

“What it is?” Levi responded, taking her hand and wiping off the blood with the damp cloth, one finger at a time. Mikasa prematurely winced but Levi was so gentle that the pain she expected never came.

She let a long moment pass between them before she spoke.

“Is it wrong, what we’re doing?”

Levi stopped. His cool and calculating eyes lifted to read hers. The light illuminated one side of his face.

Which part, he thought? No, he knew which part. But was she talking about it in terms of their relationship as captain and subordinate or was it some kind of morality thing?

He dipped the unmarked bottled into the other cloth. “There’s nothing that says extra training is against the rules. And if there was, I wouldn’t give a shit.”

“That’s not what I-” Mikasa stuttered, embarrassed that she had to explain herself further. Levi rubbed her wound with the other cloth and Mikasa sucked in a sharp breath, now really wincing. Alcohol. That’s what was in the bottle. The harsh sting made her hand throb even more. “Thanks for the warning,” she said sarcastically.

“Don’t be such a baby.” He traded the cloth for a thin bandage. “You’re a grown ass woman, aren’t you?”

She caught his eyes before letting her gaze fall upon his lips at the implication of his words. He still didn’t completely answer her. “And you’re avoiding my question, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not.” He leaned close to her face. Mikasa’s breath hitched. “I just don’t think you need to be so shy about it.” He began to wrap the bandage around her palm and knuckles. Levi’s fingers were long and thin. His skin stretched tightly over his bones.

“To be honest with you,” he continued, “I don’t know if what we’re doing is against some kind of military regulation or not. But my answer is the same, I don’t give a shit. And I regret nothing.” He ripped off a piece of masking tape with his teeth, securing the bandage. “What matters is if it feels wrong to you.”

There must be some reason she asked the question. Just because she said she doesn’t regret it, that didn’t mean she didn’t have some reservations.

Mikasa didn’t expect him to turn it around on her. She looked down at her bandaged hand.

Right, Levi thought, of course it does. Her deep attachment to Eren was likely the source of her doubt. He still didn’t really get it. But it wasn’t for him to understand. “We should take a break from training. Let your hand heal and you can recover from your soreness.”

Levi grabbed a towel from his dresser and some soap.

“Captain,” Mikasa said right before he walked out the door to go to the showers. “Thank you… for wrapping my hand.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder, “You should ice that,” and then left his room.

Mikasa laid back on Levi’s bed, holding her hand, and sighed. His bed was soft. Softer than hers. Perhaps another perk of being captain. The exhaustion across her limbs and muscles made it easy to drift her eyes close. Not a moment later thoughts of Eren floated to her brain. What bed did he sleep in these days? And did he think of her at all? Did he ever wonder what she was doing?

Her eyes snapped open. She could not stay here. Mikasa made her way back to her bedroom and wrapped her red scarf around her injured hand and nuzzled it as if it were Eren’s shoulder. When the tears slid down her cheeks to soak her scarf and pillow, she didn’t hold back. She sobbed into the cloth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not usually a 3rd person POV writer, so I'm not sure if the head hopping between Levi and Mikasa is too jarring, confusing or weird... pls lmk! I do want to get better in 3rd person, so feel free to comment.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I had a very hard time naming this story. I realize it sounds like there's going to be a lot more gore/action than there actually will hahaha it's just a romance. But I took the title from a line in the poem "Invictus": my head is bloody but unbowed. I guess that's how I see the scouts' lives and willingness to move forward with their lives and fight for their lives. Despite the tragedies and trauma they've gone through, they persevere because they deserve some sort of happiness and pleasure, right?


End file.
